Have you found yourself venting, “my boyfriend doesn’t trust me,” or “my girlfriend doesn’t trust me!” One of the main problems in many relationships is trust.
Trust is always a challenging skill for many people and couples, whether you’re just beginning a new relationship or happily married for ten years.
A healthy relationship consists of communication, compromise, respect, empathy, and trust. While all relationships are different, some possess two or four out of the five, or less, or more.
Not every relationship is a healthy one. However, trust is a core factor that helps relationships move forward and build on the skills to make it work. Here are some great tips on how to trust someone again.
Importance of Trust
Trust works both ways. You’re trusting your partner to be genuine with you while also giving the same respect back. The importance of trust in a relationship comes from a place where both parties want to be with their significant other.
The healthy trust consists of:
- Solving conflicts together
- Feeling safe and comfortably reliant on your spouse
- Showing empathy and feeling validated
- Having respect for boundaries
- Trusting that your partner is being faithful and returning the behavior
- Saying what you mean and doing what you say
- Adapting to change together while moving forward in your journey together
Lack of trust within a partnership results in heartache, difficulty communicating, and consistent arguments over the same issues, among other things. If the trust has been broken between you and your partner, it seems almost impossible to win it back.
Regaining trust back has to be a goal for both parties regardless of who broke it. One partner must be willing to forgive, while the other partner must be ready to learn how to trust someone again.
Trust Exercises for Couples
When you’re building trust in a new or existing relationship, there are many things you can do to progress loyalty throughout. Before diving into trust exercises, use healthy communication strategies to get on the same page.
Some questions to ask your partner include:
- Are you willing to make this relationship work, whatever it takes?
- Out of ten, where is your trust level with me?
- What can I do to make it stronger? – Only express your needs once they are finished talking.
- What is our safe word? – A safe word is a word that means “stop” when you need to leave a situation or stop something.
Any other questions you think of will represent the willingness to try and the opportunity to build more trust.
Trade Phones for Ten Minutes
Phones and devices are one of the most personal belongings one can own. Before sharing each other’s phones, ensure you both agree to look at phones with no judgment but rather curiosity.
When you willingly engage in sharing your personal stories, messages, pictures and respond to questions, you’ll both have a sense of deeper trust for each other. This step is not required. Some partners appreciate privacy, which does not mean they’re always hiding something.
Take Turns Telling Each Other Five Fears
Fears can stem from fear of spiders to fear of abandonment. Take turns telling each other your worries and then why that is. Even if you don’t know, it opens the floor to get some advice or perspective surrounding the fear.
When you notice that your partner becomes supportive and understanding, a bond grows, allowing you to make connections and positive opinions about another.
Tell a Story About Your Past
Everyone struggles and perceives their life a certain way. However, opening up about things your partner may not know about you will help them understand you better.
Your story could consist of a positive or negative memory. As the conversation progresses, ensure you are both taking your time to listen to each other and be nonjudgmental.
The process of opening up about yourself is called disclosure. Ensure you take turns and stay patient with each other.
Discuss Each Other’s Love Language
Gary Chapman wrote a novel based on the five love languages. He explained how learning from one another will help build and grow trust and support.
When your spouse fills your love tank, you feel validated and noticed. Positive feelings grow trust and respect, which will ultimately help your relationship prosper.
It’s a sad loss when trust has been broken. However, if both parties are willing to carry forward and agree to make things work, there are a few things you both can do to learn how to trust someone again after a betrayal.
- Make room for mistakes
- State a genuine apology
- Understand that habits and patterns don’t change overnight
- Have open and understanding communication upon feelings
- Work together to express needs
- Make an effort to solve conflict rather than go on about one issue or past issues
- Be willing to leave the past in the past
- Be willing to forgive your spouse and yourself
Sometimes, seeing a couple’s therapist is an excellent way to open communication in a relationship that has lost trust.
Teach People How to Treat You
One thing is solid throughout trust-building. If you can’t trust yourself, you can’t expect others to. Learn where your boundaries are. Whether or not you were the one who broke trust or is trying to build trust, know your limits and be firm with them.
When you treat yourself with respect, love, and self-care, you show how you want to be treated. Taking care of yourself and your needs and wants first sets expectations and firm standards of how you want to be treated.
Trust within a relationship, whether it’s a friendship, business relationship, or intimate one, is the foundation that helps build healthy and communicative bonds. Without trust comes the inability to progress towards a bright future with the person you created trust with.
On the other hand, trust is built within oneself as well. If you can’t learn to trust yourself, it’s hard to develop trust with others. Understand that when building trust in relationships, it always takes two.
Ranya Al-Huthaili is an American entrepreneur in St. Paul, Minnesota. Born in Saudi Arabia, Ranya shares insight about relationships and creating a positive support system.